Fly Me to Reno
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
shecky_lewis' LiveJournal:
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| Saturday, August 8th, 2009 | | 7:00 am |
More from Shecky
While snorkeling yesterday afternoon I encountered a man-o-war (not the horse), a sea biscuit (not the other horse), a sting ray (not the car), a man ray (not the surrealist photographer), a jelly fish, a peanut butter fish, and an odd sea creature wearing a long black coat which was later determined to be ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) theklute. So much poetry. I can't take it any more. | | Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 | | 6:37 am |
Blogging from the Nationals!
It's me! Shecky Lewis! I'm in West Palm Beach, Florida waiting for all the poets to show up. Later I will be snorkeling with team Phoenix and enjoying a Cuban sandwich at the same time. I found that if you eat under water you save a few pennies on cream soda. I'm looking forward to the world being a much better place after the finals on Saturday but now I'm off to purchase some Questa Rey cigars. Remember, if you musta smoka, request a Questa. | | Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 | | 3:45 pm |
I can't find the mustard. | | Sunday, April 20th, 2008 | | 7:10 pm |
Jew must be kidding
This morning I was looking at my old college yearbook: Harvard University. I never enrolled or took classes there, but I visited the campus with my mother at the age of 9 (it's hard to believe my mother was ever 9 -- didn't look a day over 7) when we took a wrong turn on the Long Island Expressway and ended up on a ferry to Rhode Island (technically not an island, did you know that?), and went north instead of south because the "th"s were the same. I was only 3, but it was my first big break in show business. We went to the student union to ask directions, but the students were on strike and the administration was on edge. I toddled up to a little stage at one end of the commons, not more than a soap box, really -- Biz detergent, I believe -- adjusted the mic, tapped it a couple times, and asked "Is this thing on?", but because I was so short, it looked like I was talking to my penis and people started giggling. I said a few more things I don't remember, but by the time I said "I don't know what it is, but it's not a mackeral!", students and administrators alike were rolling in the aisles. I was given credit for ending The Strike of the Glazed Yams, as it was called, and I played the Union once a week for the next 3 Saturdays, staying in the women's dorm with my mother, earning 3 shillings a show (I didn't have a good understanding of money back then) and all the jelly donuts I could eat. The University put a framed oil painting of me at the mic in the Student Union wearing a rubber glove on my elbow. We left in a teary farewell -- they had chopped us up some onions for the trip home to eat with some bagels and lox, and we made it back in time for tea with grandma Lewis, who was 15 at the time. It was pretend tea, but we drank it like Darjeeling lushes. Ahhh, memories. And to this day -- very few people know this -- I'm still known in certain Harvard circles as "Little Sheck, The Kosher Ham". [pause] Hello? Is this thing on? | | Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 | | 10:20 am |
WHERE AM I?
Don't even ask where I've been. Let's just say that Morrocan jail cells and the honeymoon suite at the Reno Hilton have very little in common. | | Friday, January 4th, 2008 | | 5:57 pm |
VA-VA-VOOM
| What Shecky Lewis Means | 
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. |
| | Monday, June 25th, 2007 | | 2:04 am |
Morning Wood
I'm going to Vegas in mid July for the big woodworking industry trade show. Whoopie! I got put in the entertainment line-up when Bob Barker bowed out. I know I can't compete with Bob (after all, he's made ENTIRELY of wood), but I just purchased both a cedar toupee and a mahogany crotch. Not sure which I'll try out first. (Now where did I put that belt sander?) In other news, I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS! | | Thursday, May 24th, 2007 | | 10:22 pm |
I'm ok!
Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I should be released from the hospital in a few days. The doctors have never seen anything like this. While I was opening for Chita Rivera in Branson, I was doing my big finale with the wild dancing when I accidentally fell into the orchestra pit. If that wasn't bad enough, when I hit the bottom of the pit there was a trap door which opened sending me cascading into another dark hole that turned out to be the prop department. I hit a fake palm tree then fell to the floor landing on my neck. | | Monday, April 2nd, 2007 | | 12:27 am |
Fly Me To Tonopah
It's great to be back in Reno playing the Coral Reef Room at the Atlantis Resort & Casino on South Virginia Avenue across from the Luv 'n Suds laundromat and the Incontinent Dragon Brothel & Buffet, even if they won't let me go anywhere above the 3rd floor. I convinced them to let me use the pool here since my hair can be used as a floatation device. (So can my swim trunks if I jump into the water at the proper angle.) They won't allow me to schedule a back waxing appointment, however. Something about their "trowel" being broken. Most comedians go back to their old bags ("take my wife, please": please) of tricks when playing Reno, but (emphasis on the "but") I've got all new material. Granted, I've stolen most of it from other performers, but it's new to me. My coup de grace is something I've been practicing 5 whole days on. Imagine after 40 minutes of one-liners ("Is that your face or do I have to stick my foot up your ass?", and "Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poop?") I top it off by farting the alphabet in my old sumo wrestling thong. Sure, anyone can belch the alphabet, but fart it? I'm pioneering new territory here. True, cutting edge geniuses like me are seldom understood in their own time (probably why I'm only playing the Coral Reef Room and not the Grand Ballroom or Coconut Lounge), but I figure that dying again (on and off stage) should take care of that. When I come back to life with fellow geniuses Lenny Bruce, Andy Kaufman, Fatty Arbuckle, and Larry Storch, we'll be welcomed as heroes. Heroes wielding fake vomit, mango cream pies, and squirty lapel flowers, but heroes nonetheless. Trust me. I'll be here for 3 days, then I'm off to Tonopah, Nevada, half way between here and Vegas, for an entire week. They'll never know what hit 'em. In fact, they may not even know I'm there. Ah, touring. It makes me feel so re-alive. I'm off to hire a hooker . . . to do my taxes. Cheaper than a CPA. Smarter, too. Don't judge, just try it. But, it's times like this (early April) that I miss the love of my life, Frenchy. She was really good with numbers. Could sing "Puttin' On The Ritz" at the drop of a testicle. I mean -- hat. See you all in the Gold Nugget Room at the Tonopah Ramada! [sqeek -- A, frrrp -- B, bweep -- C, pbpbpb -- D . . .] Current Mood:  soreCurrent Music: The Alphabet Song | | Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 | | 1:21 pm |
Boy, that Britney Spears, she's been in and out of rehab more this week than I've been in and out of the men's room at Schlotsky's. | | Saturday, January 27th, 2007 | | 9:15 pm |
I just drove in from Reno and boy are my arms tired. The power steering went out on my car. I'll be in the Phoenix area for the next week so here's looking at you...through your window! | | Friday, January 12th, 2007 | | 7:34 am |
Where am I?
Here I am! Over here by the canned sardines. | | Saturday, November 25th, 2006 | | 9:33 pm |
alfre-do
I got linguine hair extensions today. They may not look "natural" but they taste "divine", and when I get hungry, I give myself an oral haircut — hygienic, yet filling. The marinara mousse and ricotta gel are just an added bonus. It also helps that, instead of sweating, I expel (pressed) olive oil. And while I'm experimenting with anatomical augmentation, I may go for elbow macaroni, knee capers, achilles eels (for that asian craving), pig's feet & pork shoulders, sourdough buns, and, of course, turkey breast implants. I can tell everybody to EAT ME!... and they'll do it! (Oh yes, and please, hold my pickle.) | | Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 | | 12:19 pm |
| | Friday, August 11th, 2006 | | 12:53 pm |
Good-bye, Austin, hello, West Palm Beach
I'm cutting short my NPS experience in order to fly to West Palm Beach to co-host the Mike Douglas funeral. Mike was a great friend. Frank and I did the Douglas show a record 7 times. That's not including the week I co-hosted in '68. The last time I saw Mike he was in Reno, out on the town with his new wife Trixie. He had a bottle of Andre's Cold Duck sent to our table. Now that's class. | | Thursday, August 10th, 2006 | | 2:01 pm |
NPS- Thursday afternoon
OMG! The "coochie" showcase was positively titillating. Thank God Paul Reubens wasn't there. After I got my heart rate back down from the 140-beats-per-coochie to the normal 70 I grabbed some lunch at the Capitol Punishment Grill. Speaking of Reubens, they have a corned beef sandwich with kraut that is to be publicly executed for. Need I say "positively titillating" again? When they heat up the meat they actually dim the lights. How quaint is that? Then I hit the nerd slam. I over heard some people talking about it and I thought it would be a great follow up to the "coochie" showcase but silly me, I thought they were calling it the "nude" slam, so I ended up wasting my time with a punch of geeks, one of which was wearing a long, scary black coat. Oh well, it's all about the poetry, and corned beef, and titillation. | | 8:27 am |
NPS day 2
What a night! So much near poetry! I'm going to grab some coffee and head over to the "coochie" showcase this afternoon. I'm hoping they'll let me read my tribute piece called Here's Lookin' At You. | | Wednesday, August 9th, 2006 | | 6:51 pm |
NPS update #2
I had a lovely meal at the Bell Tower Cafe- bar-b-qued chicken soup, bar-b-qued kreplach, and for desert a delicious white fish cobbler. I picked up a box of Charles Whitman Sampler chocolates at the check out. I'm on my way to Mesa's first bout against Miami Beach, West Miami Beach, Miami Beach West, and The Nick Fox All Stars. It should be a real sand burner. Ooh, gotta go, there's Shappy. | | 12:38 pm |
Nationals day 1
Well, here I am in beautiful Austin, Texas. When I heard the National Poetry Slam was going to be here I bought a bus ticket and reserved a room in one of those septuagenarian hostels. Yay! Go Mesa! I was worried they weren't going to be sending a team because everybody was either quitting or being killed by serial shooters. Oh well, a town filled with poetry whores is bound to send someone. And how about that Noraz team. Wow, I haven't seen drama like that since I guest starred on Medical Center as Doctor Fruchtsaft. | | Saturday, July 29th, 2006 | | 2:10 am |
Smokey and The Mullah
I can't wait to see the blooper reel at the end of the 9/11 World Trade Center movie. Rapid banjo music. Planes missing the buildings and having to circle Manhattan. People not being able to open their windows to jump out. Nicholas Cage cracking up with Dom DeLuise. Oh, it's gonna be a fuckin' hoot! |
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